11/3/24 7:35PM but sometimes, you need to curate. listen theres nothing wrong with making yourself known. a lot of people are doing that. but if i continue to make myself known, it isnt fair to who i end up becoming the next day or even the next hour. i need to confront that i am never the same individual, but i also need to give myself some wiggle room to be a different person. thats usually why writing diary entries becomes disturbing after a week or more. also, i have a stomach ache
11/3/24 7:27PM its okay, sometimes you dont need to erase everything
11/2/24 6:37PM as most solutions to emotional problems come, i forgot the trouble, and continue my organizing. ive got yt-dlp working. its magical
11/1/24 5:57PM do not exactly ask me to explain anything, i think the rug has just come loose from my feet
11/1/24 5:55PM i feel at awful odds with myself. i am so afraid and i would like to be reassured somehow
10/31/24 12:15PM friends, you must go ahead and tell me to stop explaining myself.
10/31/24 12:07PM ive been a little busy doing absolutely nothing, happy halloween
10/30/24 10:50AM in some nearby adjacent universe im probably a hedonist. stop explaining what you mean, by the way
10/30/24 7:46AM I WOKE UP LIKE A BEE ON POP ROCKS. SCARED AND SMELLING LIKE SUGAR.
10/29/24 9:39PM there he goes again, staring at the surface of the pot and thinking about how the burnt in shimmers resemble fractal patterns, and at the same time thinking about the fact that none of his thoughts exist until he decides to make them exist. oh, no, theyre always happening, they just dont exist yet, not until he says they do
10/29/24 3:14PM i think the single thing which truly destroys me is being misunderstood or misinterpreted -- not just on purpose, but even on accident -- it makes me feel so awful and sad and i feel like crying when it happens because people hit a brick wall once they dont understand me.
10/29/24 1:59PM my mom used to sing to help me fall asleep at night when i was very young and she would sing close to you (the carpenters) to me. "on the day that you were born the angels got together/and decided to create a dream come true"... well, with new context, im thinking now that the angels must have been a little bit egotistical to have created an angel all over again. i jest i jest. will i ever discuss being one here? i do not know
10/29/24 11:57AM im thinking about the fact that there are so many things outdoors that you could find just about anything
10/29/24 10:43AM i started in, typing the first half of the captcha before i got confused and thought about getting verified as a human person a second time just to be sure
10/29/24 7:49AM by the way, every single message on here is a different person, internally, it is difference. i am not 23rd of october, 24th of october, 25th, 27th, or even yesterday.
10/29/24 7:47AM staying home today because of my poor poor sinuses
10/28/24 7:25PM i am going to pseudomeditate myself by recording myself more often to break down my brain walls in order to bring myself into myself.
10/28/24 10:00AM as if an answer to my 10/25/24 11:15PM entry on sleep debt, last night i woke up at 2:30AM for some strange reason, suddenly feeling nourished as i had been sleeping for hours. i did not realize why i woke up. maybe i was cold. but then, i felt like i had missed my rest. why do i have to be unconcious when i am recharging? i would like to be fully aware, to feel myself coming back.
10/27/24 9:02PM last night i fell asleep thinking about just how proud i am
10/27/24 6:26PM lots was done, hoping to love so much. i struggle with communicating and trudge on. and i am feeling comfortable with my existing for now. hoping to love so very much.
10/26/24 9:01PM i wonder. does anybody else experience that feeling of energetic creative life post-short film binge when you can imagine yourself animated in a much more satisfying and accurate way? our minds (or at least mine, if this is not regular) are truly fed off of the creativity of others
10/26/24 7:46PM avoiding all the awful things i endured today... it was very well worked. and i have yet more to do
10/26/24 12:07PM my hair has been cut, it is so freeing and nice... i missed short hair. i really let it go
10/26/24 12:02AM up and thinking about the fact that music once only existed when a person did and now it can exist whenever
10/25/24 11:15PM sort of starting to consider i have a sleep problem, or it could be the culmination of all too many events arranging perfectly in order to deprive me. i have certainly accumulated some sleep debt. even when i am so exahausted, as i am right now, i know i will experience no pleasure when i fall asleep because of the extremity of it all... it is unusual
10/25/24 12:44PM today in chemistry we mixed chemicals and i had a lot of fun
10/25/24 9:31AM it is a bit of a drag, to the builder, when your website which you are proud of having built is mostly pride in the way of functionality: so much of it is it resonating with you, in a "home" type of way, and you are, too, proud of having built it just simple enough to be /right/ for what you need it for, but visually it does not impress, it is not striking, to many people, when you try to show it off. this is because the website does not exist in order to be liked. i could learn from it
10/25/24 2:45AM i am very enlightened by the new layout. i am very very pleased... and tired
10/24/24 8:31AM sniffle nose from allergy. i got to school on time for once. but so sleepy
10/23/24 6:21PM rush hour